Running in District 75

Take a map of Newport and draw a line across it.

Start the line on Route 138 as it comes east across the Pell Bridge. Follow Route 138 until it reaches the tracks of the Newport & Old Colony Railroad, then turn south along the tracks. Follow them until they reach America's Cup Avenue, then cut across to Fairwell Street. Follow Fairwell south until it hits Marlborough Street, then go east to Broadway and follow it north. Turn east onto Calvert Street, then north onto Wesley Street, then east onto Cranston Avenue, then north again onto Kay Street. From Kay follow Rhode Island Avenue south until you reach Champlin Street, then go east to Eustis Avenue, then north to Ellery road, then east until you reach Middletown.

Everything south of the line you've just drawn is the 75th Representative District.

The current 75th District was created in 2002 when the Rhode Island House of Representatives was reduced from 100 seats to 75. Paul W. Crowley, a Democrat, held the seat from its creation until he succumbed to cancer on September 25, 2007. In a special election held on December 18, the seat was won by Republican Steve Coaty. Now Coaty has to defend the seat against all comers, including me.

Who am I? Thomas Kalinowski, 45 years old, married with no children. I've lived in Newport for eleven years, and I currently work at the front desk at a local hotel. If you see me walking down the street, I'll probably be accompanied by my two basenji dogs, Kleopatra and Louis. They're friendly dogs who like meeting new people, so don't be afraid to say hello and pet them. They'll also be happy to share any food you may be carrying (whether you want them to or not).

Why am I running? Well, in any political race, somebody has to run to the left of everyone else, and in this race that somebody will be me. If elected, I promise to raise your taxes, grant amnesty to the thousands of illegal immigrants living in Rhode Island, and legalize gay marriage. Or at least, I'll be advocating for those things, since it's unlikely that the other 74 Representatives, 38 Senators, and Governor will go along with any of them. But I'll be doing my best to push my radical agenda, and of course I'll also be representing the interests of my constituents (ie bringing home as much pork as possible).

So, if you'd like to see an unapologetic liberal represent you in the General Assembly, go ahead and vote for me, and we'll both see what happens.